Boxworld 7

Time flows differently here, quicker somehow:

At first it’s a dream come true.
The first thing Rob does is get a newer, bigger house for him and his parents, sell the old one he says, you don’t need it.
There’s money left over.
Rob goes to the bingo every night. He loves it and they all love him. That first month he gets a round of applause just for coming through the door. Imagine that.
At the Chinese he’s late a few times and sometimes people come in just to see him.
They don’t order anything.
After a while it’s a bit of a nuisance and the owner has a quiet word.
Which is ok because Rob doesn’t need the money.
And soon he has a girlfriend and she loves him and she takes him shopping and he gets a new wardrobe and clothes to put in it. And a car. They take a holiday. The first he’s had without his mum. He misses her and talks to her on the phone his girlfriend bought for him (with his money, ‘it doesn’t matter he can afford it’)
They should get a place together she tells him one night, they could have more privacy, it would be just like when they were on holiday but all year round.
He hasn’t been to the bingo for a while, his girlfriend doesn’t like it.
His parents don’t mind moving, the new flat’s a bit smaller than their old home, and his mum cries a bit but that’s just because she’s going to miss Rob.
Come on Rob his girlfriend says. The new house has a jacuzzi.
Rob and his mum are crying again, it’s just like that day back in the studio, when he felt so powerless . . .

And then it’s as if there are walls on all sides, and peering down at him kindly is a huge face, a smiling man with a beard. And in other times and other places he is known by different names (although maybe his beard is a little less blonde)
He closes the lid . . . there’s nothing more to see in that world.
And with an oustretched finger time in the studio flows once more, and this time Rob chooses the right box.

Robert’s Nest Egg

At last there’s proof. For years many of you have clung to the ridiculous belief there’s a parallel universe out there. A world where you work for the British Secret Service, under the cover of running a small independent cinema on the south coast of England, and Katie Pike didn’t dump you. And you actually look a bit like Charlie Sheen (like he was in Navy Seals, not now).
And you’re not fat, don’t live in France with someone who maybe used to be a man, never spent two months living in your wife’s shed, no one threw eggs at you for wearing a suit to college (and carrying a briefcase), nor did they shout ‘oi Blazer’ at you as they did so.

Yes, this other, better, world is real. It was created on Monday. Nothing to do with the Hadron Collider or Einstein-Rosen bridges or black holes or any of that science guff. Nope. The universe spontaneously diverged after Rob dealt too early on Deal or No Deal.

Rob was a big, gentle chap with two jobs, mild learning difficulties and a fondness for bingo. He had his list of numbers but after some early setbacks he decided to call it a day at £8000.
Everyone liked him.
Except Noel.

Noel in case you had forgotten, used to steal toys from children by pretending to be other children – he operated a fake used toy exchange out of an old warehouse that used to belong to the BBC. Appallingly haircutted children would send in toys in the belief they were going to get a slightly used Action Man paratrooper playset. The whole thing got shut down after Watchdog investigated. Noel never got involved directly and his middleman, ‘Cheggers’ Chegwin did time (he got early parole for organising inflatable obstacle courses for underage prisoners).

And twinkly triangular-headed Noel plays out ‘what would have happened.’
Just for fun.
And because it’s in the contract.
If Noel doesn’t get to rub salt and piss in the wound, whilst pretending to look sympathetic. No eight thousand pounds for you. That’s the deal.

And the big-haired, small hearted prince of highlights, sort of Branson look-a-like has struck gold.
Rob’s got his mum with him and he’s crying and she’scrying. And Noel’s rubbing his hands like he’s about to start singing ‘You’ve got to pick a pocket or two.’
If Rob had stuck to his list he could have had the quarter of a million.
But he didn’t.
So he lost.
And Noel loved it.

At this point the universe had enough.
It’s been sitting there whilst every day 22 of Schrodinger’s boxes spew out poison.
So now there are two universes one where Rob won and one where he didn’t.

Of course in both of them, Kerry-Ann’s husband leaves her after she gambled away £130,000. You can see it in his eyes and there are some things the universe can’t fix.

Lovers of Bromley

I write this in furious haste. Gentle reader I need your help

I have been contacted by the B.E.S. (Bromley Exploration Society) in Cairo who have heard of the proposed development and are even now organising a petition. They are sending a letter via e-mail to various members of the B.E.S. around Egypt

Dear Bromley Lovers

Please sign this petition to stop the extension of the Tiny Tots Nursery further into the playing field at the back of the houses in Bourne Road. There might be the remains of an Anglo-Saxon village underneath it. Or maybe an unexploded bomb from World War II. A child may have even have found an ammonite there. Maybe.
I have been there once with my metal detector and found 37p in 1979, back when it was quite a lot of money.
We don’t need more places for children to learn in the area. There are enough in North Bromley.

If you like me are a Lover of Bromley, please sign this petition,

Egyptian Man.

Of much less interest, I also received this e-mail:

Hello My Friends who love Egypt,

Please take a moment to sign the petition to stop development along
the northern shore of Lake Qarun in the Fayoum. There are too many
understudied fossils, prehistoric villages, ancient Egyptian, Greek,
and Roman ruins in the area. We do not need tourist villages in the
area. The southern shore has plenty.

I have explored the region for over thirty years and know that what
we find here may rewrite what we know of man on earth and
definately man along the Nile.

It was from an American lady, I can not be bothered to include further details.

One of these may be genuine. I'm not sure which.