An Evening With Gerald

Has it been so long. Oh mes petites, how I have missed you. Everywhere I am told, write all the time, else you are nothing. So for a while I have been nothing and you will have to wait to hear of The Misery of Cornwall, The Haunted Bedroom, and Cheese-Making of the Apocalypse. Maybe I will never tell you of Garth and the Submarine and perhaps it is for the best. For I was in training to run half a marathon, but that is done for another year and as is traditional my exertions left me gasping and wheezing with a man-flu of my own invention. But today I am filled with excitement. I must confess I grew tired of my own inactivity , it is not nothing to be nothing, but it is not pleasurable. So tonight I embarked on a short evening course called Starting to Write Fiction. I do not know if it’s any good, but I did enjoy it. We were given an exercise to do in class: a postcard at random. Write its story for 5 minutes. Then after that what happened before (for 5 minutes), then what happened after (for 5 minutes). We had the opportunity to read them out; it felt strangely confessional like being a nudist who has gone to the beach for the first time. Anyway at the risk of wafting my fictional endeavours in your direction and then holding your head under my creative duvet, here’s what I got up to.

Two On The Aisle by Edward Hopper (1927)

‘Are you sure that the concert is this evening ?’
‘Quite sure. I’ve got the tickets right here. You see, Wednesday the 25th.’
‘It’s just that the seats are all empty and there was no one at the ticket office. Even the orchestra pit is covered in dust.’
‘Here are our seats. Why don’t you sit down ? Look we’re not even the first ones here: there’s a lady over there in a box.’
‘Where ?’
‘Just up there. Don’t stare Muriel, it’s very rude. Actually I rather fancy, I said don’t stare, I rather fancy that’s Grace Kelly.’
‘No George, it’s a mannequin.’


 What Happened Before 
‘George ?’
‘Martha, my love ?’
‘Are you sure we’re going the right way ?’
‘Of course, look, here’s the A to Z. We’re going down this street and then we take a left.’
‘I do wish we’d taken a taxi.’
‘Well there was only one and Frank Sinatra needed it.’
‘You know George, I am not so very sure that that man was Frank Sinatra.’
‘He was the very spit of him and I should know, I saw him before, when I went to Las Vegas. On holiday. We shared the same urinal. He sang ‘My Way.’
‘When did you ever go to Las Vegas ?’
‘The summer of 1978, I went on a gambling holiday before I met you. I believe this is the place.’
‘It doesn’t look open.’

What Happened After

‘I’ve had enough George My feet hurt and we’ve been going ‘round in circles. Just admit that we’re lost.’
‘I am absolutely certain that we are on the right track Mabel.’
‘What time did the tickets say the performance starts ?’
‘Seven thirty on the nose.’
‘That’s only four minutes away.’
‘Worry not my dove. Your proverbial knight in shining armour will get you there in time.’
‘George there’s a taxi, please let’s take it.’
‘Very well my rose. Taxi ?’ ‘The Royal Albert Hall please.’
‘Shhh don’t say anything Mildred, but I think our driver is Clark Gable.’